Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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