Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize