someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
