i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
