I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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