You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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