Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
