In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize