Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
