I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
