I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
