He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
