Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
