thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
