don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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