Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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