I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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