You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
