I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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