someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize