I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
