My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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