I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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