what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
