McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm like, not good at living.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
