Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
