they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize