Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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