Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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