btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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