I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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