In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
