that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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