I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
