I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
