worst night to have a conscience
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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