Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
