That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
