just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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