Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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