It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
