This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
