I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
