ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im holly from the hills drunk
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
