That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
