I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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