wanna go halves on a baby?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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