I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
