you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
