The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
