I smell stomach acid.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
