Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
