Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
