My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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