i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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