Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
