found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
