Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
