Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Someone shattered a urinal.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
