its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
