Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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