i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
