I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
