If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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