If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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