I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
