I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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