On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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