Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
