i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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