that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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