But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
