My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
