I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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