i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
