Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
