That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
