I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize