i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
