I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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