If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize