Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
4 words: hood of his car
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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