You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
