She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
