Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
