Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
