Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
