Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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