Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
