Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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