You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
