I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
