The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Did we literally take a cab across the street
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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