The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
