And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
